Finding my Angel
by Ilovesparklypeople321
Summary: After Bella supposedly commits suicide in New moon, Edward doesn't believe it and sets out on a mission to find his angel. Will he find her? Is she even alive?
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Okay well if I had to tell you the truth, I heard Bellas funeral song on a vine and decided to do it lol

I ran as fast as I could through the woods, shaking with sobs. Bella's dead was all it took to make me go. I ran to my angel, I had to prove it wasnt true. I had to do something. If I give up its over. Shes gone, and my worlds gone. The woods rush pass me in a blur, as Im not able to pay attention to them. Her white house soon came into view, and I scaled the tree. The tree I had climbed every day, back when I was here. I know now leaving was the stupidest thing I have ever done.

I looked around, and nothing had changed. The purple walls, the bed, the book shelf. Nothing more, nothing less. Bella's unique fragrince fills my nose. Freesias, the most wonderful and yet it kills me. She hadnt been gone long, a day or two possibly. I search around for a clue, anything that could give me a lead on her. I walk over to her book shelf, and for some reason cant help but pick up her copy of Wuthering Heights.

She had picked it up recently, maybe the most recent of anything else in the room. I walk over to her bed, the bed we had spent so many nights in just talking. Opening the book, I sit down. A few white envolopes fall out. The first seven had all my family members name on them. Including mine. The other three were for Renee, Charlie, and Jacob. Why had she done this? Was this the proof I needed that she was gone. Even if it was I couldnt help but open the letter with my name on it. I inhale her scent before I started reading.

Edward,

You were my life, my love, my world Edward. I still cant believe you left, but I still cant say I surprised. It didnt make since for you to love me, it never did. You were just so perfect, loving, caring, unselfish. Just perfect. I could never live up to you. But Im glad you gave me the time you did, because it was the best time of my life. I hope you know that.

Your words broke me though Edward. I wouldnt eat or sleep or go to school or work the first week. I practically catonic the first few months. Edward, Charlie was gonna send me back to Renee's. Im not proud to say I threw a very huge fit when she came to pick me up. I just couldnt live in a place where you couldnt be. I dont think I expected you to come back, just being where you have been though gave me some since to be. To live. When I didnt go though, he thought about locking me up in a hospital.

He didnt though, he thought Id get over it. I eventually did snap out of it though, my state of just living that is. Being numb. Charlie told me I had to get out more, so I called Jessica and went to a movie with her. After the movie, we were going to get something to eat. We walked up the street when I saw four boys outside a bar. Like the guys in Port Angeles. I walked forward to them, with the since of dejavue, maybe thinking youd come save me. And you did really. I heard your voice in my head. It screamed at me to turn around, to get back to saftey.

I found out when ever I did anything recklas or stupid (Sorry about that...) I could hear your voice. I got some old mouter cycles, and went out to Jacobs knowing he could fix them. And as he did he healed me, not completly, but I could withstand the pain at least. We became best friends. The voice was just iceing on the cake, I felt like I had part of you.

Then one day it all changed, Jacob changed. He avoided me, and didnt return my calls. I reminded myself it wasnt as bad, but it didnt help. You were still gone, and he was gone now. I couldnt bare it. But then I went out to La push to confront him. So long story short hes a werewolf. After a bunch of rule breaking, dreams, and a little bit of a near death expierience I got to be with him agian.

But before that I found our meadow, and Laurent came. He was gonna kill me, before Jacob killed him. Laurent was sent by Victoria. Victoria had started hunting me. Jacob and the pack did every thing they could. I was out on the beach one day, and I decided to go cliff diving to hear your voice. Victoria ended up being in the water, and I watched as Jacob and the pack killed her. I didnt jump off the cliff, but... I did kiss Jacob.

I felt so bad about it, I felt like I was betraying you. I ran into the woods, all the way to the meadow again. I cried untill Jacob found me. I told him to go away, but he didnt listen. I started going out with him after he convinced me to. He told me you left me, and didnt want me. It hurt, but it convinced me that you wernt coming back. You didnt want me or love me. I loved you though, and I still do. Or did I suppose. After Im done with these letters, Im going to die. Im going to leave these here, in these books in hopes you or Charlie, Renee, Alice, anyone finds the,.

You might think I had Jacob, that I had a life a love. I didnt though. He imprinted on a girl, a girl he just saw in the park one day. She was into cars, and action and moter cycles. She was beautiful. She was everything I wasnt for him. He tried to make it work, but the pull for her just kept getting stronger. It was practically killing him from the inside out. She was the same thing to her, that you were for me.

It was a wolf thing, and he didnt have a choice. He left me. This was about two months after we got together. I was happy and yet depressed when he left. I was happy that he was gonna get some one hole. I was broken and never could give him all of me. Because part of me was always with you. I was depressed because, I gave him every thing I had left of me. When he left he took it with him. I was nothing, and I had nothing left to live for. I tried to keep going for Charlie and Renees sake like you said.

Some where in the back of my mind though I know I was vanley hoping youd come back. After three, now, I couldnt take it anymore. I knew you wernt coming back. Charlie now had Sue, Renee had Phil. They will get on with out me. Im gonna go out to hotel so I dont haft to be here when Charlie gets home. Im writing this note, as I guess a will? A testamony? A last request. A last promise.

Edward, now that Im gone, I want you to promise me that you wont do anything crazy, or recklass. Dont kill your self. I remember what you said when we were watching Romeo and Juliet. If for any reason you still love me, can you just do me the favor of not doing that. I love you and I wouldnt want you dead.

Edward, Im leaving you something. There is a box under my bed. It was my Grandmothers. It has some stuff Id like you to have in it. Make sure you get it no matter what. I want you to have a piece of me when Im gone. So you will remember me forever. Remember no matter what.

I love you. I love you forever and ever, and I want you to remember that. Please forgive me for this. Dont do anything stupid. I love you.

Love forever and always,

Bella 3

Im shaking with silent sobs by the end. Dont do anything stupid is she serious? And she still loves me after every thing Ive done to her. A buzz comes from my pocket, and I pull out my phone. Its from Alice. _Its at the meadow. _I dont know what shes talking about at first, but then I realize. The grave. I almost take off, but then I remember the box.

I look under the bed, and see a box no bigger then a shoe box. I put it on my lap and open it. Inside are five objects. The cd I gave her for her birthday. The plane tickets from Carlisle and Esme. The blue blouse she wore on her first date. Another cd, with a note written on it in Bellas hand writing. And lastly the picture of us in Charlies living room on her birthday.

She looks so beutiful, her brown eyes alight with love, and happiness. Her brown hair pulled back in a pony tail. I almost smiled at the sight, but not quite. I turn back to the cd. It says, just a little slide show I put together, love ya good bye. ~ Bella. I decide Ill watch it after a quick visit to Bellas grave.

I just stare at the grave. Its a simple grey stone, with a small angel on top. For my angel. On it was, in loving memory of Isabella Marie Swan. Loving daughter, and friend. She will be missed. Her birth date to death was under. The date of her death was just two days before. Just two days before, her heart was beating she was breathing walking around. Probably tripping over stuff. Her scent still lingered in the air.

I break down right there repeating over and over through my tears. "Bella Im so sorry, I lied I love you more then anyone." I then noticed a water proof box sitting near the stone. I knew I probably shouldnt open it, but I did. Inside was a portable dvd player. For you my Edward, a little piece of paper said. I laughed, I must be going crazy. I put the dvd she gave me in it, and waited for it to come up.

When it did, images of me and her popped up one after another. Us in the meadow, at my house in her room. In the back ground, a song I know was probably for my sake was playing.

Spend all your time waiting

for that second chance

for a break that would make it okay

there's always some reason

to feel not good enough

and it's hard at the end of the day

I need some distraction

oh beautiful release

memories seep from my veins

let me be empty

and weightless and maybe

I'll find some peace tonight

in the arms of the angel

fly away from here

from this dark cold hotel room

and the endlessness that you fear

you are pulled from the wreckage

of your silent reverie

you're in the arms of the angel

may you find some comfort here

so tired of the straight line

and everywhere you turn

there's vultures and thieves at your back

and the storm keeps on twisting

you keep on building the lies

that you make up for all that you lack

it don't make no difference

escaping one last time

it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh

this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

in the arms of the angel

fly away from here

from this dark cold hotel room

and the endlessness that you fear

you are pulled from the wreckage

of your silent reverie

you're in the arms of the angel

may you find some comfort here

you're in the arms of the angel

may you find some comfort here

At the end a small vidio of Bella pulled up. "I leave my heart with you Edward. I love you. Good bye." I couldnt stand it anymore. I closed the Dvd player and put it in the box. I glanced once more at her stone, and then got up to walk away. "Good bye my Bella." And then I was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

Im thinking of making this story longer. Im not gonna tell you exactly what happens, but something along the lines of Edward not believing Bella's dead. If you want me to do that, could you just leave me a review telling me so please. Thank you.


	3. Chapter 3

I sit in my room at home, and stare at the picture of me and my angel. She's so happy, and I took that and her life away from her. I left, and she committed suicide. Its my fault shes dead. I wish I could hold her one last time, kiss her soft lips. Watch as that beautiful blush fills her cheeks, and listen as her heart beat increases when I touch her.  
I chuckle at the memory, but then return to being sullen. My room was still full of scent from the stuff she left me. My throat no longer burned at the smell, because the pain over shadowed it. Alice has yet to convince me to leave the room since I came back two days ago. I just can help this denial. These thoughts that there was no way she was dead. I could almost hear heart beat, as I broke down that day in the meadow. As the wet from the damp ground sunk into the knees of my jeans, the gentle thumping had almost been tangible.  
I knew I was just hallucinating, a thing sent to help me keep my sanity. And of course my promise to Bella. Her last request, one saying I would continue my life. No matter how much I wanted to be rid of it, I could deny her anything. Even if technically there was'nt a her anymore. Just the thought sent a stabbing pain through my chest. Even with my heart almost completely gone, the small part that kept me clinging to life, hurt me more with each passing day.  
That heart beat though, just how could it have seem so real? So... there. As if she layed alive in her coffin. That wasnt possible though, they would have checked her pulse before burying her. Just the sneaking suspicion though that she was alive, some where on this Earth, made it bearable to live. She had said she had done it in a hotel, did she tell anyone where? Alice. She must know.  
Before I can even call her, shes standing there before me. "Why do you need to know where she did it?" Alice asks determined to be on the same wave length as me. -She cant be dead, no matter I saw it, or her grave. It just doesnt make since. Something feels wrong with the nothingness in her future. It just doesnt seem as, solid,stable as it should be.- My head snaps up at that. "What do you mean?"  
Alice looks weary of answering, scared she might just be desperate for it not to be true. -He looks more desperate, I mine as well tell him anything I know.- "Well youve seen when some one dies, how there future looks through my mind. Well Bella's" I flinch at her name. "future isnt as solidly blank as the others. Its as if shes maybe at the peak of death, but not there. Or some one has found a way to blank me out. Just its not strong enough, that if I look hard enough I can notice the difference."  
Edward's confused. "You think a person has kidnapped Bella, and is playing with your visions?" "Well its possible," she says apprehensively. "Maybe we should look into the hotel, that she supposidly killed herself in." Edward nods. "Lets go."

A/N: Okay well Im planning on making the chapters much longer, but I thought Id see the reactions I get for the first chapter before I go any further. Remember if you leave decent review, youll get a preview of the next chapter mid week. Thank you! R R


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Sorry its took me so long, I dont have a real excuse, just distracted. Remember everyone who leaves a decent review gets a preview of the next chapter mid week. :) R R

I walk into the lobby of the hotel Alice informed me Bella planned to do it in. The lady at the front desk smiled brightly at me as I came over to her. "Can I help you?" she asked, but I could hear the double meaning of it. I inwardly shuttered at the thought. "Yes, I was wandering about any recent suicide records here?" Way to make your self seem weird.

She looks completely shocked. _Should I call the hospital, I think this guy has lost it._ I hear her think. "Im doing a project for school," I quickly make up. She nods seeming slightly relieved at this notion. "Well surprisingly enough, one happened here, maybe two, three days ago. Up in room 109. Its no longer a crime scene, you can check it out if youd like. The police and cleaners have probably already cleaned it up, but who knows?"

"If its not a problem," if she really killed herself here, if she really died, Im bout to find out. I wont stop, till Ive seen the proof. She nods again, and directs me to the elevator. We head up to floor two, and she leads me down the hall way. We get out side the room, and she inserts the card to unlock the door. "Ill wait outside, incase you have any questions."

She does as she say, and waits right out side the door. I breath in a deep breath, and am instantly hit with Bella. Her spilt blood, and yet not dead blood. See with blood, we can tell if it comes out of something alive, or if it comes out of something dead. The change is instantanious, the second the heart stops beating. All the blood in the room was that of a live beings.

Even if they cleaned it up with bleach, I would be able to tell. So either she was tooken out of here and died, or shes been buried alive. That day, by her grave, I could tell she was down there. The scent, it was so real. More real then it had been since I left, because she was right there with me. Dead or alive.

Shit, I think as I walk as fast as I can out the room. The lady looks startled at my sudden appearence. "Did you find everything you need?" I nod and go right past her without another word. Alice, as I should have known, is waiting right outside. "You dont think shes really," I interrupt her. "Yea, I do think that. Come on, we need to go now, or we'll be to late."

"Edward," she says warily. I growl in frustration. "We dont have time, Alice. Bella is dieing. With realization burning bright in her eyes, she takes off towards the meadow, me right beside her, as fast as she can without getting suspicious. Even then people turned to gaze at us. Once there at the edge of the woods we both take off full speed. The trees seem to be going in slow motion, taunting me, driving me mad.

We get closer, but not fast enough. When we finally break into the small meadow I sigh in relief. I walk over to the grave, to where her smell is the strongest. I listen for a sign, the smallest sign that she is a live, but I dont hear it. I walk closer, and examine it and the earth around it. I almost have a panic attack, the graves been digged up and re buried. "Alice! Some one digged her up, someone digged her body up. Wether shes alive or dead shes not here anymore!" Alice looks it over to. "Your right, but who? I dont smell anything. Vampire or human."

I nod, still in shock. "Search the woods," I stutter. We search the woods for hours after that, not able to find a trace of any other creature. Nothing that could lead us to Bella. "What do we do?" I say in frustration punching a tree. "Calm down Edward, someone will hear you," Alice says looking around nervously even though there was no way anyone could sneak up on us. "What about the volturi? What if they found her?" I look at her like she crazy. Not only is that bad, its impossible. Why would they dig a grave to some random human, as far as they know of course.

"How Alice? How the hell would the Volturi find her?" She thinks about it for a moment, then shrugs. She has no idea. "Maybe we should check, what better lead do we have." She has a point, maybe we should do it. "I guess, maybe it will help." She nods and Alice whips out her phone to order us tickets to Italy.


End file.
